Self-Sabotage vs Self Nurture
Self-care would have to be the number one most important thing to do for ourselves & our health. It is the number one piece of advice me and most other healthcare practitioners would advise people to do, foster self-care, MIND YOURSELF.
But I want to talk more about the difference between self-care and self-sabotage and how to recognise when we could be sabotaging ourselves versus nurturing ourselves. It can be a fine line and a tough line to see as we can believe that we are nurturing ourselves but we are actually in the long run sabotaging ourselves. Good examples of this could be having a long term goal of weight loss (self-care – healthier physical body and most likely happier in self) and continuing to ‘nurture’ yourself after a hard day’s work with wine, chocolate or cheese and biscuits. Or, wanting to increase fitness levels (self-care – taking care of long term health through healthier body & mind) but continuing to stay in bed in the mornings when you had scheduled exercise. Having a wine or piece of chocolate can be totally helpful and nurturing SOMETIMES, or having a good old sleep in is TOTALLY necessary at times as well, it’s about finding the balance between nurturing yourself in the moment and keeping in mind your long term goal. If I want to increase my fitness levels I WILL need to exercise, that’s a reality. And exercise is good for me so I am taking care of myself by exercising. So, when I wake up in the morning and I’m feeling super tired from a bad night’s sleep and it’s so cold outside and my bed is so nice and warm, I have to ask myself “WHAT IS MY NUMBER ONE NEED RIGHT NOW”? “Which activity is going to make me feel the best in the long run”? Is it staying in bed and getting some extra sleep so I can be happier throughout the day and function clearer or is it getting out of bed and exercising which will take me a step closer to my long term goal and I will most likely feel energised from the exercise? If staying in bed is truly what you need in that moment (which it totally can be) just recommit to exercising the next day, no need to beat yourself up over it.
When we find ourselves sabotaging our efforts to achieve a long term goal it could be to do with a part of ourselves being unsure about the reality of achieving our goal. For example, I want a thriving business; having a thriving business in reality means I will be busier and have less time for certain things. I have had to address the part of me that is concerned about not having enough time, and the fear around being too busy to move forward with my goal and stop sabotaging it by doing no work. Sometimes this could be slightly out of our awareness and will require some thought and checking in with yourself and your goal. A common one with weight loss can be to do with a subconscious belief about our family or friends not liking us thinner or ‘how will my friend feel if I am smaller and she is still larger’ or ‘I won’t be able to maintain the results’ or ‘I don’t believe I can sustain this lifestyle’ and the list goes on.
If we have long term goals they require daily small steps to attain them and daily choices. When the goal can seem far away we can lose sight and feel uninspired so it is really important to make sure the goal FEELS good. If you are finding it way too hard to get out of bed earlier to exercise assess how the end goal feels, assess if it’s possible to exercise at other times that may be easier and assess if you really want to achieve better health and fitness and what thought patterns are getting in your way. It may be as simple as a change of mindset from ‘I want to stay in my bed as its warm, cosy and I’m tired’, to’ I’m choosing to get up and exercise today as it moves me closer to my end goal and will make me feel good, and I can sleep in tomorrow’. Recognising the difference between self-sabotage and self-care is an essential if you are finding you just can’t seem to kick into action. Check in with yourself to see what you REALLY need, some reassessment may actually be what are needed.
I draw on my transpersonal coaching skills to specifically look at individual behaviours, lifestyle, your emotions & any specific goals you want to achieve. If you would like to book in for a coaching session please click here http://cassandraparrish.com.au/online-bookings-2.